I’m not the world’s best communicator and often battle to coherently express myself. Especially if what I’m feeling could potentially cause hurt or discomfort to someone. I was taught at a very young age to hold my tongue, never argue, NEVER raise my voice, only say something if it’s something nice. If I was emotional, I had to take myself to my room. So a lot of stuff got bottled up.
What relief I experienced, when I discovered that through art making, I could start excavating down into the sediment of supressed feelings and create a channel through which I could express myself. But what a mess I was creating! Most of my art looked like ugly chaos, disconnected, fragmented.
Stewart Cubley writes that chaos can emerge only from some recovered freedom, announcing a surrender to intuition.
If we judge chaos as undesirable in an art work, we immediately stifle the process, trying to conform to order, to be sensible, reasonable.
The liberation of accepting and revelling in chaos means that we can embrace all levels of expression at once without judgement.
Cubley writes that chaos and inconsistency in art “shows only that a myriad of perceptions and feelings are trying to reach the birth canal of your creativity all at once. We paint chaos when our work does not pass through the mesh, the filtering process of the conscious mind… It is expression without manipulation, a doorway to the unknown.
Chaos is the soil of creation. It plows the ground of intuition, preparing it to receive the seeds that wait in secret places for a fertile home.”